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It's time, it's time, it's Lucha Underground review time!
And can I just say, last night's show...tops man. Best show ever? Best show ever?
Best show ever. I don't know who I'm talking to either right there. Let's
ignore that and get to reviewing greatness. ON WITH THE SHOW!
Lucha Underground Review: Episode 27: The Man, The Myth, The Legend
Dario, Matanza and
Aztec Medallions
Hey, when you've started off several episodes in a row with
a great Dario Cueto opening scene, you have to do it again. I could watch the
man be evil about the Anaheim Ducks in a sports talk radio appearance at this
point. What a terrible brother he is too, and I'm not just talking about the
fact that he has Matanza (whoever in the bloody cosmos he may be) trapped in a
cage. This is now the second time he's flaunted gold in front of the man.
Remember when he did that with the original Lucha Underground Championship?
Damn Cueto. No wonder the poor, helpless monster is going to wreck everything
in his path once he leaves the cage. When is that happening? I have to know who
this man is dammit! I HAVE TO KNOW!
Aerostar defeats Jack
Evans
"I am the man! I am the myth! I am the legend!"
That was how Jack Evans, a Hart Dungeon trainee who looks like a cross between
Breckin Meyer, Angelico (his AAA tag partner coincidentally) and a Jet Set
Radio character, entered the Temple. And while he was clearly just mugging for
heel heat there, boy was he right. I've been waiting to see Evans in the LU
since the show began, and the dude is a legit master class in the ring. He can
wrestle. He can fly. He has perhaps come closest out of any American in the
Temple at playing what a traditional lucha libre rudo is like. Seriously, I was
expecting Evans to come out there and make Angelico's high flying ways look
tame by comparison. Instead, Evans wrestled more cocky and grounded; the
perfect bad guy for this scenario. Although that said, he did still have, as my
brother would say, the sick dips.
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| Credit to luchablog for finding or creating this gif! |
As for the match, come on, what do you think I'm going to
say after that intro? It was excellent stuff. They took a little bit to get
everything felt out, but once that happened, Evans and Aerostar (quietly
brilliant recently), delivered the goods. And hey, any time a match has not
one, but two Kevin Harlin "WITH NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE!" moments,
it's a success. Don't believe me, watch that top rope Canadian destroyer
Aerostar hit to take it home. Somewhere, in Scott Steiner's basement, Petey
Williams stood up, fist pumped, and was then shocked by Steiner back
into submission. I raise my Pepsi to you Maple Leaf muscle, you poor, poor
bastard.
Big Ryck the Big Dick
Damn, Big Ryck was cold to The Mack in this segment. Poor
Willie; all he did was go up to his cousin and ask a harmless question, only to
get talked down to like he young Wilson Fisk and borderline threatened by the
end of the scene. Come on Big Ryck, it's The Mack. He's a super athletic dynamo
in the ring and a hilariously simple teddy bear out of it! Be nice to him. By
the way, am I the only one who laughed when Ryck left and The Mack was revealed
to be just in a t-shirt and ring trunks? I can totally see him, along with
legend, pacifist and overall great man CM Punk (you're my boy, Blue!), being
one of the few guys to actively walk around a wrestling locker room with that
look. Keep being you Willie; keep being you.
Fenix defeated
Pentagon Jr, Sexy Star, The Mack, Killshot, Cage and King Cuerno to win an
Aztec Medallion
If I can quote...myself, this match right here was the win,
the whole win AND NOTHING BUT THE WIN! My goodness, what a match. It was like
watching one of those old lucha invitational's WCW used to have during the
Nitro era. The pace was super quick, the action was super good, and each and
every one of the seven competitors got to look good. And this was all over a
medallion! I know, I know, Cueto said it can help give you eternal life and all
that. Knowing him though, it probably just a really big token you use at the restaurant
arcade where El Mariachi Loco works on the weekend. Wouldn't that be great if it
was? Man, the uprising against Cueto is going to be the best thing ever. I
expect Jack Evans to be painted up in Finn Balor esq war paint while Alberto El Patron
rallies the troops with a Cyrus level, "CAN YOOOOOOOUUUUUUU DIG ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?!!!!".
Whoa, I'm getting off topic. Back to the awesome match. Like
I said, everyone got some good moves in. Cage, still in my opinion the best all
around performer these past few weeks on the LU, got to do his 619 and some
more high flying. Deer Antlers did awesome Deer Antler things, like no selling
Sexy Star's offense with the greatest look ever and hitting the best suicide
dive in the business. The Mack continued his quest towards the greatest man to
walk planet earth. Sexy Star continued to prove why she's the best natural
babyface alive (all apologies to the great Sami Zayn. Get thee to the LU dude!).
Killshot hit a sick crossbody onto Cage and Fenix just as Cage was about to brain
buster Fenix on the floor. And Pentagon...my goodness, have you ever seen
anything like that package piledriver/widows peak combo he pulled off on Sexy
Star and Fenix? Grade A, top choice win right there! Excellent match, and it
makes sense that the one guy who didn't have a game changing spot (I kid, Fenix
hit a really cool springboard corkscrew plancha at one point. Dude is sick too)
took the match in the end. And hey, it's not like Fenix, the man of a thousand
lives, couldn't use a medallion that could make him immortal right? Dude really
needs it.
Cueto and the
Greatest Trios Team...TO EVER LIVE! (WOOOO!)
Oh Cueto, you wonderful, conniving, James Woods in every
movie ever bastard. You are the best. And you're even better when you're
interacting with the most entertaining trio in wrestling today. That "I
like you guys" lie he told them at the beginning? Excellente! It would've
been the best part of the segment if he hadn't followed it up by putting Havoc,
Angelico and Ivelisse in a LADDER MATCH NEXT WEEK AGAINST THE CREW! Yes, just
several weeks after overcoming injury and odds, while putting on one of the
best shows ever, the Greatest Trios Team...TO EVER LIVE (WOOOO!) now has a
chance to do that all over again in a match where greatness usually happens
unless your name is Kevin Nash. Can it be next week already? I will seriously
skip seeing Mad Max: Fury Road if I get to see this ladder match sooner than
later. Just be careful Ivelisse. The people want you healthy. The people need
you healthy.
Fenix: The Man Who
Has Been Had
And things were looking so good for Fenix. He beat Mil
Muertes in the all time great Grave Consequences match. He just won a
medallion. And most importantly, he got the girl...or so we thought. Turns out,
not so much. You should've gotten the hint when she didn't call you back
because she was too busy performing resurrection voodoo on her ex Fe. Mistake
on your part. By the by, I'm not the only one who's still excited Mil and Fenix
are going to keep feuding right? I know it kind of ran its course, but dammit
that last match was so good, and we've gotten an appropriate amount of time to
breathe since then. Plus, now Fenix has to deal with the Skeletor army that
attacked him the locker room as well? Sign me back up!
Hernandez defeated
Alberto El Patron to remain #1 Contender for the LU Championship
Remember how I said last week this match would surprise people?
Well it did, but not because of the match quality. I liked what I saw from both
guys in the ring, and while people hate Hernandez because...it's the popular
thing to do these days apparently, I think if given time these two could
deliver a damn good match. That said, they didn't get time and rightfully so,
because Johnny Mundo had to fulfill his destiny of turning heel. Oh, and he had
to throw El Patron through the window in Cueto's office apparently. Man, Marty
Jannetty thought that was too much. I'm not sure what the best part was; the
throw itself or the reaction of Cueto, who simply laughed the whole thing off
and went back to making a drink like nothing even happened! Forget Steph Curry,
Dario Cueto is the real MVP.
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| Say hello to violence! |
In the end, everything here was the right call. Mundo may
have been popular in the Temple, but he was never going to get cheered over El
Patron, who has gone from a popularity nomad in WWE to an icon in the LU. Turning
Mundo heel and letting those two put on more classics was the right call, as
was letting Hernandez win. Haters can hate, but the dude has history with Puma
and Konnan, and the sooner we can let the Konnan powers explode, the sooner we
can move on to bigger, better things. Like who Matanza is. What, you didn't
think I wasn't going to circle around to that again?! I HAVE TO KNOW!!!
That'll do it guys. It was a great show, and I hoped you
enjoyed it and this review as much as I did. I'll be back later today with a
review of the Road Warrior for those interested in the Mad Max films (and you
should be, for Fury Road drops tonight!). Till then, no coke, Pepsi, go Cubs,
make sure you give that Dreamcast a good old dusting, don't eat all the chicken
strips, party like Buffon after beating Real Madrid, and bow down to the great
DUCHOVNY, who wonderfully conceded his place today for a Jet Set Radio dance party.
Follow Cult on Twitter @CultIcon
Email Cult at fallenhero17@yahoo.com
Please change disks to
continue...
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